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BBC Bloomers
Here are a few funny commentator quotes to brighten up your day
MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle a male astronomer for
warmth during BBC1's eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there,
they're rubbing each other and he's come in his shorts."
HERE is Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to
use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
ULRIKA Jonsson was a humble GMTV weathergirl talking about snowfall when
she
revealed: "I had a good eight inches last night."
LORRAINE Kelly on GMTV: "This year's hairstyle is called a shag and our
resident stylist is here to give our model one."
MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
RICHARD Whiteley asking Carol Vorderman to display a word on Countdown:
"Ah, 'erection', let's see it up please Carol."
DAVID Dickinson, talking about an antique door-knocker on Bargain Hunt,
said to expert Nigel Smith: "You're a bit of a knockers man." "Yes," he
replied. "I've come across quite a few in my time."
HERE is Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith
Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by
herself in bed last night."
ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil,
tell us about your amazing third leg."
BEATRICE Hillyer was discussing the availability of fresh water in Baghdad
when she informed TVam viewers: "Just after the liberation, I was getting
it twice a day in my hotel room."
CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire
match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he
just tossed it off."
JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What
does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today
after a 69."
STEVE Cram covering the men's 200 metres at the World Athletics
Championships: "Pumping away, Marlon Devonish has got the Olympic champion
inside him."
CHAIN Letters host Allan Stewart was discussing a 6ft 5in contestant
called Richard when he told two women competitors: "That's enough Dick for
both of you."
EXPERT David Batty was examining a bowl with a pineapple-shaped lid on
Antiques Roadshow when he exclaimed: "This is the most magical, wonderful
knob I have ever seen."
CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live
said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."
JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike
racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a
hard on now."
WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable
lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."
ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell
us about your amazing third leg."
CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing
like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
THE new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My
word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."
WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when
he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from
different positions."
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches
you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the
crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so
well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them
.... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"
METRO Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on
the field."
HARRY Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice.
The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."
TED Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once
rode her mother."
NEW Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson
comes inside of him."
PAT Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I
saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
Published: Early 2002
Last updated: 30 July 2004
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