One of Britain's new blow-wave comedians.

 

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Offside Rule

A player is in an offside position if he is nearer to his opponent's goal line than the ball unless:

He is in his own half of the field.
He is not nearer to the opponent's goal line than at least two of his opponents. A player will only be declared offside if, at the moment the ball touches or is played by one of his own team, in the opinion of the referee that player is:

Interfering with the play or with an opponent.
Seeking to gain an advantage by being in that position.
A player will not be declared offside:

Merely because of his being in an offside position.
If he receives the ball directly from a goal kick, corner kick, or throw-in. If a player is declared offside, the referee will award an indirect free kick to be taken by the opposing team from the place where the offside occurred.

Offside will be judged from the moment the ball is played, NOT when the player receives the ball. A player who is level with the second last opponent or with the last two opponents is NOT in an offside position.

(We have been informed that this will be part of the new British Citizenship test.)